I just talked to my daughter and through hysterical sobs she told me that her Aunt Kori has just died and I feel really badly that she has. I haven't talked to Kori in many years, something like 11 I guess, since I got divorced, and I haven't missed her or really wanted to talk to her during most of the time that has passed.
That is, until this past year when I heard through the girls that she got sick and it was obvious she would not be getting better- then I started thinking about her and wondering about her and empathizing for the deep painful hurt she must feel over the unchangeable events of her life that were coming to pass and there were moments where I really wanted to call, but I didn't want to call too and so I didn't.
There were many moments through listening to the girls talk through their concerns with her sickness that I put my heart in her spot and thought about how much it would hurt to be so sick and dying at this still early part of life, leaving your kids and your husband and your family and your life and unable to stop it now that it has all gone so far, even though this should have been one of the greatest times of her life- finally watching all of your hard work come together in the form of a young adult whom you have raised and greatly loved, racing off to the adventure of their own lives and the excitement of the new life you and your husband get to have now, just the two of you while your kids chase their dreams...
What a shame.
Kori wasn't ever somebody that I would have been fast friends with, she wasn't, she was a little intimidating to me, I thought she was kindof mean to my brother in law, (whom I respected a lot for his kindness) when she didn't have to be, and the way she drank and acted sometimes made me feel uncomfortable, sometimes. I wondered if it was 'ok' to write that, but I think it is. When I first heard that she was sick I felt reeeeally angry to hear it had all gone so far, angry for her family and for her and angry for the ugly last days and feelings that would now become a part of my own children's existence but what is the point of feeling angry with someone you don't even know and an unchangeably sad situation. So instead, I just wondered.
Still, at one time Kori was somebody who I spent time with, empathized with, struggled near, confided in, listened to and cared about what happened in her life and to her children who I also cared about and now know only through their struggles, as I have her. At one time in our lives I knew her through each of my pregnancies and births, I shared babysitting with her and gossiped with her, cooked Thanksgiving for her, her friend drove me to the emergency vet when our dog got hit by a car and needed to have his leg amputated and I felt comfortable sitting on her couch in my socks with no shoes and helping myself to ice from her freezer without asking, back when we lived close together and called each other family and were up to date on the events of each others lives.
I guess thats what I wanted to say, I just wanted to say to nobody in particular, that Kori was just a couple years older than me, with just as many kids as me and she was someone I knew at one time, in fact, she was my sister in law, and even though we weren't best friends or even likely friends at the time, rather, we were thrown together by happenstance and even though we haven't spoken in 11 years and I really hadn't cared to, Kori was a woman who mattered to my life a long time ago and it matters to me today that she has died, even if it doesn't make much sense that it would and I wish she could have lived a much longer, stronger and happier life and I'm sorry that my children no longer will tell me they "went to visit Aunt Kori and Uncle Ray this weekend," and I'm deeply sorry for her husband and his family who will miss her so much.
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